Outcast
by liv2blog
Summary: "You did this to me! You're why I'm dead!" Jade screamed at me before the apparition faded. I killed her. I act all sweet and bubbly when in all reality I'm fucking mental. I'm Cat Valentine, and this is my spiral into insanity.
1. The wind

_I remember when we broke up the first time _

_Saying this is it I've had enough, cause like_

_We hadn't seen each other in a month_

_When you said you needed space. What?_

I bobbed my red head up and down, concentrating on the lyrics of the song currently playing on the radio. Think of anything but the taunting pictures on the walls of Hollywood Arts. Normally I wasn't a Taylor Swift fan, but I'd rather have a song about a breakup going through my head at the moment.

Ignore the pictures Cat.

Well, they weren't pictures… they were fliers.

"_Missing girl"_

Normally we don't pay any attention to these. Normally it isn't our problem. Normally it wasn't Jade West on the posters.

I made the mistake of glancing at the flier. I cringed with guilt as I saw the most recent picture of Jade. It was of her and I, her newly black hair and a smile on her face. It was a nice picture, though it was taken three months ago. The day before she went missing.

She could still be here, if I hadn't had a hoe moment and kissed Beck. Yea, beck and I were 'together.'

At first I didn't feel bad about it. So what? They'd broken up. It wasn't until the next day that I felt guilty. Jade found out, and went for a drive to calm herself. She never came back. I was supposed to be her best friend. What a great friend I was.

Now, wouldn't you remain optimistic about the situation? Tell yourself that she'll come back, that they'll find her alive.

They won't.

I know that she drove her car into the ocean. Not intentionally, she swerved by mistake and her car kind of plummeted off a cliff into the ocean. I could tell the police this. I could save Jade's family a lot of worry. But I can't.

I only know this because Jade's spirit torments me. Every time I shut my eyes she's there, reminding me of what I did. Reminding me that if I never kissed him, she wouldn't be dead.

I blinked, and her face flashed across my mind. It wasn't her face though. It was that of a corpse. Blue eyes permanently widened, black hair matted with blood. Bruises covering her once beautiful face.

God, what have I done?

"Cat!" Jade's voice snapped, and a hand was placed on my shoulder. I jumped, then reassured myself. It wasn't Jade, it was Beck. I seem to hallucinate all the time.

"Whatie?" I gave a brief smile, telling him that I was ok. By now, he could probably see through the lies though.

"You coming?"

"In a minute." I replied without looking up. He shrugged before walking off to class. I squished my eyes shut one last time, knowing I was asking to see it. I swallowed and let the words play through my head, the shuffles of feet slowly fading.

_Would now be seventeen._

_Black hair blue eyes._

"You did this to me! You're why I'm dead!" Jade screamed at me before the apparition faded. I killed her. I act all sweet and bubbly when in all reality I'm fucking mental. I'm Cat Valentine, and this is my spiral into insanity.


	2. The Back End

_Rock a bye baby on the tree top_

_When the wind blows you're heart beat will stop_

_Off with your head, and down with the tree_

_Flesh and bones is all you will be_

"Cat!" I looked over to see Dr. Barry pinching her nose in frustration.

"Yes?"

"I would _greatly_ appreciate it if you would stop singing such sinister songs!" Dr. Barry was a shrink. I tried telling my parents what I knew about Jade, but I ended up coming here once a week, with daily depression drugs. Dr. Barry was a short middle aged woman with blue eyes and a brown bob cut. She didn't really seem like a people person to me though.

"It's not sinister its life. I'm just… not sugar coating anything." I rolled over to my stomach, I was laying on a couch that looked a lot like something Kim Kardashian would wear.

"I'm just trying to help you with you're condition, but in order for me to do that you _have_ to be serious."

"What 'condition'? Are you suggesting that I'm mentally unstable?" I propped up onto my elbow, looking the old hag directly in the eyes. I_ dared_ her to say it.

"Not at all, but you are coping with the situation in a very unusual way."

"Like hell I am! _No one_ believes me, and it's why I don't tell people! I _see_ her. I _know_ she's there; it's not in my head. I _talk_ to her!" I stood up and grabbed my handbag, looking her over. When you hate someone, they seem to get uglier by the minute.

"Cat, please sit down. I am in no way saying that it isn't true, howev-"

"Look," I interrupted. "I will not be judged by someone that is paid to call me a freak and put me on medication." I made my way to leave, turning around as I put my hand on the door knob. "By the way, you really need a manicure." I slammed the door shut behind me and held my head high as my heels clicked against the hard floor. That bitch was the unstable one.

* * *

"SHUT UP!" I screamed, before throwing my lamp across the room at Jade. It went right through her sickly thin shadow, but it made her go away. "Just shut up." I whispered before sinking down to the floor sobbing. She was here again. I saw her. I was not crazy.

I couldn't be.

I'd always been a little on the crazy side, but in a good way. That kind that looks fun and everyone wants to be friends with. This was a different level. This was a _bad_ crazy, and I wasn't bad… I don't think.

* * *

"Cat what's wrong with you?" Tori questioned. Beck and I were sitting with the gang today. I started sitting alone after the whole Jade thing, but no one questioned it much.

"Nothing." I said in one of those get- off- my- back- before- I shove- a- pole- up- your- ass type tones.

"Look Cat please cheer up. Jade's go-"

"Don't talk about Jade please." I snapped, instantly regretting it. I was lashing out at people now, all because of Jade. What made it worse was the fact that in the back of my mind, I knew this could very well just be who I was now. Mad. Turning people away.

"I need to go." I said abruptly before standing up and turning away.

"Cat are you…?" Beck started cautiously.

"Just leave it alone! I'm fine!" I yelled, earning glares from the surrounding students. Um, no one said you could stare. I stalked off to the bathroom, shoving past people on the way. I got a lot of "Hey" and "Watch it" but my response was along the lines of "Piss off."

I threw the door open and gave the one girl in the bathroom a glare, making her run out. I locked the door behind her and threw my bag on the sink counter digging through it. I reached my goal, which happened to be my hand held mirror. I looked at it, taking a deep breath before dropping it to the ground, stomping on it with my heel. I heard a crunch but mentally cursed myself when it hadn't actually broken. I picked it up and threw it at the cement wall, full force. There were finally a million little cracks in the mirror. Broken glass.

I picked a piece of the glass out, and remained seated on the floor. I rolled up my sleeve and shut my eyes as I pressed the glass to my arm. I squinted before gasping and throwing the glass aside. There was no way I could do this. I couldn't cut myself over Jade and her rotting corpse. Not like I could get away with it anyway, Beck and Tori had been watching me like a lion stalking it's prey lately.

With a frustrated growl I got up and looked at myself in the mirror. I restrained from punching the wall by grasping my hair, ripping out a few strands of red. I studied myself. Purple under- eyes and pale, sickly flesh. My cheeks were caved in and my hair was flat and stringy. I hadn't slept in God knows how long. All because of _her._ She was ruining my life. I needed to take control, and soon.

* * *

**Okay, so that was the first official chapter, I hope you enjoyed! I will be updated the rest of my stories this weekend, including following footsteps by special request Please review, they make my day and keep me writing! Hugs and loves to everyone!**


	3. The pain

This has to be one of the most cliché ways to die.

Well, attempt suicide as some call it.

Sitting in a bath tub, with slit wrists and a bottle of pills gone. The way I see it, there are two possibilities. Either one of the two are fine with me. I die, obviously. Or someone finds me, I live, but I end up in a nut house. If I died Jade couldn't hurt me anymore. If I was in a nut house, maybe she'd leave me alone. The basic goal is to get rid of her.

I feel a sense of relief. Like it'll all be over. At the same time, there is a feeling of selfishness slowly taking over me. Should I be doing this? What would it do to my parents? To Beck? Not that he'll want to date a crazy person anyway, but would it hurt him? Maybe. Too late.

_If I die young_

_Bury me in satin_

_Lay me down on a bed of roses_

_Sink me in the river at dawn_

_Send me away with the words of a love song_

The lyrics going through my head were starting to dull out, being replaced with a buzzing. My brain felt as though it were vibrating. I looked down at my scarlet covered wrists one more time before my vision gave out. I slumped over, suddenly limp. It was like there were plugs in my ears. I could hear, but not well. It was the end. It was painful, but it was the end.

* * *

**Yes, short. She won't die! Someone will find her! But who? Also guys, I want to write a one-shot for either victorious or twilight. It will be based off the song Black Cadillac OR Good girl both by Carrie Underwood. Leave a comment on what song I should do! And for which one? Any ideas feel free to pm me! BTW reviews make me upload faster! Just saying ;) Its been taking me a while because I've had writers block, so sorry guys!**


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